‘Do not withhold discipline from a child.’ Proverbs 23:13 NIV

Two areas where parents can get confused.

Discipline versus punishment. ‘Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.’ (Proverbs 22:15 NASB) Notice God’s choice of words: ‘the rod of discipline’ not the ‘rod of punishment’. Discipline and correction are about teaching and learning; punishment is about making a child suffer for their behaviour. Children need discipline, not punishment, from a loving parent ‘Do not withhold discipline from a child.’ (Proverbs 23:13 NIV)

Withholding discipline prepares them for a life of failure and suffering. Discipline is focused on improving their behaviour. It teaches right and wrong by giving consequences that directly relate to the child’s choices. It may take the form of being grounded or suspending privileges, but it should always be for the child’s benefit, never to inflict pain.

Love versus indulgence. Our materialistic world confuses love with indulgence. Loving parents give without spoiling, withhold for the child’s good, and motivate them by rewarding good behaviour. Indulgent parents give kids whatever they want, irrespective of behaviour, thus failing to motivate them to be responsible. Spoiled kids develop a sense of entitlement and an expectation that others exist to please them. Indulgent parents are frequently guilt-driven and afraid their kids won’t like or love them. They mistake indulgence for love, and breed children who demand, manipulate, and are never satisfied. Love requires talking, listening, understanding, laughing, sharing tough times, respecting and encouraging your kids with unconditional acceptance (of themselves as people, but not of their behaviour). Such love costs nothing but is worth everything.

SoulFood: Deut 30:1–32:28, Mk 6:14–29, Ps 57, Prov 12:15–17

The Word for Today is authored by Bob and Debby Gass and published under licence from UCB International Copyright © 2025